A research-based resource for teenagers · Created for young people
我想对父母说
What I Wish My Mom Knew
[Kobe Chen]
Grade [18] · [Concordia International School Shanghai上海协和国际外籍人员子女]
Sociology Public Health [Shanghai]
Self-Introduction
✏️
Self-Introduction
Welcome! I’m Kobe, a high school student living in Shanghai. When I’m not in class, you’ll usually find me lost in music, striking drum pads in rhythmic patterns, filling my home with the warm scent of freshly baked pastries, or swimming laps to clear my mind.

This platform grew out of a feeling I couldn't shake. So many times, when friends opened up to me about their struggles, I wanted deeply to offer genuine support—yet I found myself falling back on empty, clichéd phrases. I knew that helpless feeling all too well because I’ve spent plenty of nights feeling stuck and confused myself, trying to figure everything out on my own. And at home, conversations with my parents that started with love and peaceful intentions would so often collapse into painful misunderstandings and loud arguments.

I realized that so many of us are quietly fighting the exact same battles behind closed doors. We don't need lectures or quick fixes; we need a safe space to share real experiences, honest stories, and practical ways to bridge the gaps between us. So, I built this space.

As we make the clumsy, beautiful transition from adolescence into adulthood, we so easily convince ourselves that we have to carry the entire weight of our emotions alone. But you don't. Help and understanding are out there—and sometimes, healing begins with simply realizing you aren't the only one feeling this way.
25
Student interviews
2
School systems compared
6
Conversation guides
Find a guide for me → Share your story
Share Your Story

Your experience
can be a mirror for others

这个项目从25个采访开始。但我们知道，每一个青少年都有自己没有说出口的话。

你的经历可以成为另一个学生发现"原来不只是我"的那一刻。

Fully Anonymous
No personal information will be published. With your consent, your experience may appear anonymously on this website.
我想说的是……
用中文或英文都可以。没有标准答案，你想说多少就说多少。
All submissions are fully anonymous. No identifiable personal data will be collected.
Research Findings

What We Discovered
What the research revealed

这份研究采访了上海25名分别就读于体制内和国际学校的中学生，通过深度访谈和问卷，记录他们对学校、家庭与心理健康的真实感受。

01
学业压力是普遍的，但感受方式不同
无论就读哪种学校，大多数受访学生都感受到学业压力。体制内学生更多将其内化为"应该承受的责任"，而国际学校学生则更容易将其表达为情绪困扰。
"Academic pressure is universal, but students process it very differently depending on the educational environment they grew up in."
02
学生不知道如何向父母表达"我需要帮助"
受访学生中，超过一半表示在感到不堪重负时不会主动告诉父母，原因包括"怕被认为不够努力"、"怕让父母担心"、"不知道怎么说"。
"More than half of students said they would not tell their parents when they were struggling — not from distance, but from not knowing how."
03
家长越投入，孩子感受越复杂
研究发现，高参与度的家长让孩子既感到被支持，也感到被监督。这种矛盾感在体制内学生中尤为明显。
"High parental involvement produced both a sense of support and a sense of surveillance — often felt simultaneously by the same student."
04
"好老师"的定义：会关心你的人
当被问及什么样的老师让你感到被支持时，几乎所有学生的回答都围绕"关心你这个人，不只是成绩"。
"Across both school systems, students defined a good teacher as one who cares about you as a person — not just your performance."

Data from the 2026 Adolescent Education & Mental Health Survey (n=25)

感到学业压力 / Feeling academic pressure88%
不会主动告诉父母自己压力大 / Wouldn't tell parents when overwhelmed60%
认为父母不理解自己的感受 / Feel parents don't understand their emotional state56%
Conversation Guides

Real situations, practical approaches

These guides come from recurring themes in student interviews. Each guide is research-informed and written in young people’s own voice.

"Click any card to expand the full guide."

Each guide includes:
• Real feelings around this situation
• A 3-step conversation framework
• A sample opening line

Research Insight
"Most of the time, students are not unwilling to talk — they just do not know where to start."
💬
怎么告诉父母自己已经很努力了，但成绩还是不好
How to say: I'm trying, but it's not working
💭这个情境是：你很努力，但成绩没有反映出来。父母以为你没有用功，你不知道怎么解释——因为解释感觉像在找借口。
1
先说事实，不说感受。告诉他们你花了多少时间，而不是你有多委屈。"爸爸/妈妈，这次考试我花了五个小时复习，但题型和我准备的不一样。"——这比"我真的努力了"更有说服力。
2
问他们一个问题，而不是要他们相信你。"你有没有过准备了很久，但事情还是不顺利的时候？"让他们先说，再说你自己。
3
告诉他们你需要什么，而不是你希望他们停止什么。"我不需要你（们）帮我解决，我只是需要你知道我在尽力。"
Sample Opening Line
"爸爸/妈妈，我想跟你说一件事，但我希望你先听完再评价。这次我真的准备了，但结果跟我想象的不一样。我现在需要的不是解决方案，只是需要你相信我在努力。"
🌿
怎么告诉父母自己压力很大，但不让她担心
How to share that you're overwhelmed — without worrying your parents
💭这个情境是：你感到不堪重负，但不敢说，因为你知道父母会更焦急，反而变成你在安抚他们。
1
先告诉他们"结果"，再说"原因"。"爸爸/妈妈，我最近状态不太好"比"我压力太大了"更容易被接受。
2
给他们一个具体的、可以做的事。"我不需要你帮我解决，但如果你能这周少问我成绩，我会好很多。"
3
在你状态好的时候说，不要在爆发的时候说。选一个轻松的时刻——吃饭的时候，散步的时候。
Sample Opening Line
"爸爸/妈妈，我最近有点累。不是什么大事，我只是想让你知道。你不用做什么，但如果你能多关心一下我这个人，少关心一点我的成绩，会有帮助的。"
❤️
怎么告诉父母自己需要一些空间
How to ask for space without seeming ungrateful
💭这个情境是：父母关心你，但有时候这种关心让你喘不过气。你想要一些属于自己的空间，但又不想让他们觉得你不需要他们。
1
把"我需要空间"换成"我需要时间整理自己"。"空间"听起来像是距离，"时间"听起来像是过程。
2
先感谢，再提需求。"爸爸/妈妈，我知道你在关心我，这让我感到被爱。但我现在需要一个人安静一会儿。"
3
给他们一个"之后"的约定。"我下午可以跟你聊"——这让他们知道你没有在逃避。
Sample Opening Line
"爸爸/妈妈，我现在需要一点时间自己待着，不是因为什么事不好，只是需要充充电。你能给我今晚的时间吗？我明天一定跟你好好说话。"
🎯
怎么告诉父母我对未来有自己的想法
How to share your own vision — when your parents has a different plan
💭这个情境是：你有自己想做的事，但父母有不同的期待。你不知道怎么说，因为你怕让他们失望，也怕被直接否定。
1
先问他们的出发点，而不是先说你的想法。"爸爸/妈妈，你希望我做那个方向，主要是因为什么？"听完之后，你才能找到共同点。
2
把你的想法变成"也考虑了他们担心的事情"的版本。"我知道你（们）担心稳定性，我也想过这个……"
3
不要在一次对话里解决所有事。种下一颗种子就够了。"爸爸/妈妈，我想多了解一下，你愿意下次跟我一起看看吗？"
Sample Opening Line
"爸爸/妈妈，我想跟你聊聊我对未来的一些想法，不是要改变什么，只是想让你知道我在想什么。你愿意听听吗？"
🌧
当你很难过，但不知道原因，怎么跟父母说
How to say "I'm not okay" — when you don't know why
💭这个情境是：你感到低落，但你说不出具体原因。而父母的第一反应往往是"是不是学习太累了？"——然后你更烦了。
1
直接说"我也不知道为什么"。"爸爸/妈妈，我最近感觉有点不对，我自己也说不清楚，但我想让你知道。"
2
告诉他们你不需要分析，只需要陪伴。"我现在不需要你帮我找原因，我只需要你坐在这里就好。"
3
事后再解释，而不是当下解释。心情好一点之后，可以回头跟他们说"上次那种感觉是……"
Sample Opening Line
"爸爸/妈妈，我今天心情不太好，我自己也不完全知道为什么。你能不能就陪我一会儿，不问我问题？我之后会跟你说的。"
🤝
当父母的期待让你喘不过气，怎么说出来
How to say: your expectations are weighing on me
💭这个情境是：父母的期待来自爱，你知道。但这份爱有时候太重了。你不想让他们觉得他们做错了什么，但你也需要让他们知道你的感受。
1
先承认他们的出发点是好的。"爸爸/妈妈，我知道你希望我好，这一点我从来没有怀疑过。"
2
说"感受"而不是"指责"。不说"你总是给我压力"，说"当你问我成绩的时候，我会感到很紧张"。
3
给他们一个可以做到的改变。"如果你能每天问我一件让我开心的事，而不是成绩，我觉得我们之间会轻松很多。"
Sample Opening Line
"爸爸/妈妈，我想跟你说一件可能有点难开口的事。你对我的期待我都知道，也知道是因为爱。但最近我感觉有点撑不住，我需要你帮我，但不是通过问成绩的方式。"
Real Voices

You are not alone
You're not alone in this

Anonymous excerpts from student interviews. These words are not written by me — they come directly from students studying in Shanghai.

Traditional Eastern System
"我考砸了会躲起来，不让妈妈看到我哭。因为如果她看到了，她会比我更难受，然后我就要安慰她了。"
Grade 11 · [北京]
International Western System
"My mom thinks I'm fine because I never tell her I'm not. It's not that I don't want to. I just never found the words that felt right."
Grade 10 · [北京]
Both Education Systems
"有时候我妈说的每句话我都知道是对的，但还是让我很烦。后来我想明白了，不是她说错了，是她没有先问我感受怎么样。"
Grade 9 · [北京]
Traditional Eastern System
"The one time I told my mom I was really stressed, she cried. After that I decided I wouldn't tell her again. I didn't want her to feel guilty."
Grade 11 · [北京]
International Western System
"我想让妈妈知道的事情太多了，但每次我们要谈起来，就变成了讨论成绩。我希望我们能多谈谈我这个人。"
Grade 12 · [北京]
Both Education Systems
"I think my mom loves me deeply. I just wish she knew that sometimes the most supportive thing she can do is ask 'how are you feeling' instead of 'how was the test.'"
Grade 10 · [北京]
Expert Interview

When a psychologist
answers our questions directly

To expand this project beyond student perspectives, I spoke with an experienced adolescent mental health psychologist to address recurring themes from our research.

Interviewed Expert
Jonathan
Psychologist
Master's in Applied Psychology
Specialization: Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Therapy (ISTDP)
Adolescent Psychology Parent-Child Communication Emotional Regulation ISTDP
Q1
From your clinical experience, how do you understand the psychological mechanisms behind academic stress in adolescents — and why do some teenagers experience the same academic pressures so differently from one another?
▾
Dr. Jonathan's Response
Interview response to be recorded and added here following the conversation with Dr. Jonathan. This question explores how individual psychological history, attachment patterns, and early experiences with failure or success shape how different teenagers metabolize the same external stressor.
Q2
Research suggests that stress is not inherently harmful, and can in some contexts be a driver of growth. What distinguishes productive stress from the kind that leads to burnout or emotional withdrawal in teenagers — and how can young people learn to tell the difference from the inside?
▾
Dr. Jonathan's Response
Interview response to be recorded and added here following the conversation with Dr. Jonathan.
Q3
When a teenager feels overwhelmed but struggles to name or articulate what they are experiencing, what is happening psychologically — and what practical first steps would you recommend for developing that emotional vocabulary?
▾
Dr. Jonathan's Response
Interview response to be recorded and added here following the conversation with Dr. Jonathan.
Q4
In your work, how significant is the role of parent-child communication in either buffering or amplifying a teenager's stress response? What does the research tell us about what parental involvement actually looks like when it helps versus when it backfires?
▾
Dr. Jonathan's Response
In your work, how significant is the role of parent-child communication in either buffering or amplifying a teenager's stress response? What does the research tell us about what parental involvement actually looks like when it helps versus when it backfires?
Q5
Many teenagers describe feeling that their parents care deeply about them but do not quite understand them — particularly around academic pressure. From a psychological standpoint, where does this gap in understanding typically come from, and whose responsibility is it to bridge it?
▾
Dr. Jonathan's Response
Interview response to be recorded and added here following the conversation with Dr. Jonathan.
Q6
What communication strategies would you recommend specifically for teenagers who want to express emotional distress or academic stress to a parent, but are afraid of being dismissed, misunderstood, or causing their parents worry?
▾
Dr. Jonathan's Response
Interview response to be recorded and added here following the conversation with Dr. Jonathan.
Q7
You specialize in Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Therapy, which works with unconscious emotional patterns and defenses. How does this framework help us understand why teenagers sometimes go silent or avoid difficult conversations with parents, even when they desperately want to be heard?
▾
Dr. Jonathan's Response
Interview response to be recorded and added here following the conversation with Dr. Jonathan.
Q8
Comparing Eastern and Western educational environments, do you observe meaningful differences in how students are socialized to understand and express stress? Are there systemic or cultural factors in Chinese educational contexts specifically that shape how teenagers relate to academic pressure?
▾
Dr. Jonathan's Response
Interview response to be recorded and added here following the conversation with Dr. Jonathan.
Q9
If a parent came to you and asked, "How do I actually support my child during high-pressure periods without making things worse?" — what would your most honest and evidence-based answer be?
▾
Dr. Jonathan's Response
Interview response to be recorded and added here following the conversation with Dr. Jonathan.
Q10
For a teenager who has read everything — who understands the theory of healthy communication and stress management — but still finds themselves unable to act on it when the moment comes, what would you say to them?
▾
Dr. Jonathan's Response
Interview response to be recorded and added here following the conversation with Dr. Jonathan.
📌 Note on this interview This interview was conducted as part of an independent research project on teenage mental health and parent-child communication. Dr. Jonathan's responses represent his professional clinical perspective and do not constitute individual psychological advice. If you are experiencing significant distress, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional.
🔬
Independent Researcher
[北京大学]
About This Project
"I began this research because I grew up navigating these two educational worlds myself."

这个网站来自一篇关于[城市]东西方教育环境与青少年心理健康的独立研究论文。研究通过25次深度访谈，记录了分别就读于体制内学校和国际学校的学生对压力、家庭和自我认知的真实感受。


在分析这些数据的过程中，我发现了一个重复出现的主题：学生们不是不想和父母沟通，而是不知道怎么开口。这个网站是我对这一发现的回应。


我叫 [学生姓名]，是[学校名称]的一名学生。这个项目是我研究论文的延伸——从数据到行动。

Qualitative Research 25 Participants Bilingual [北京] Sociology